So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Randomize
