If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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