just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
