oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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