what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
