billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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