so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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