is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
