Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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