my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
