I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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