So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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