i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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