Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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