Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
