I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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