we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
