College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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