While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
