are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
