Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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