Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
