Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
