just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They are going to name an STD after you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
