I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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