Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
