Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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