i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize