I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
