I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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