Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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