She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
