he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I checked into jail on foursquare
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
