I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
