Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
