Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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