porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need water and some morals
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone