im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.