I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.