jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug