I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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