Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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