my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill