Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Small penises have feelings too.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?