you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.