My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have aggressive nipples.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin