But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor