the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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