you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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