I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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