I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
