I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
