break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
