i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so much tequila, so little girl.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
