Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay

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(703): I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay http://tfl.nu/jcra

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(847): View more from Illinois

he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.

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(847): he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants. (1-847): you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him. http://tfl.nu/yg4d

Replies (25) Good night (694) Bad night (2962)
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(905): View more from Toronto

She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.

(416): View more from Ontario

Got yourself a keeper right there.

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(905): She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use. (416): Got yourself a keeper right there. http://tfl.nu/t8iu

Replies (26) Good night (5097) Bad night (944)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.

(1-330): View more from Ohio

Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.

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(330): I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry. (1-330): Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now. http://tfl.nu/tk0f

Replies (28) Good night (850) Bad night (4277)
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(740): View more from Ohio

he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?

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(740): he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine? http://tfl.nu/es01

Replies (42) Good night (1352) Bad night (4178)
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(702): View more from Nevada

She's never allowed to turn 21 again

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(702): She's never allowed to turn 21 again http://tfl.nu/eyqp

Replies (9) Good night (4761) Bad night (1026)
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(438): View more from Quebec

My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.

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(438): My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much. http://tfl.nu/ekca

Replies (8) Good night (3470) Bad night (951)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.

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(270): you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you. http://tfl.nu/d78n

Replies (8) Good night (2610) Bad night (899)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.

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(320): Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean. http://tfl.nu/p8ix

Replies (6) Good night (2497) Bad night (730)
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(509): View more from Washington

No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.

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(509): No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry. http://tfl.nu/k8f0

Replies (5) Good night (563) Bad night (1183)
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(530): View more from California

tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner

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(530): tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner http://tfl.nu/ps9e

Replies (7) Good night (591) Bad night (1098)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.

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(701): She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere. http://tfl.nu/am2w

Replies (3) Good night (2347) Bad night (550)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...

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(605): I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD... http://tfl.nu/4wif

Replies (0) Good night (865) Bad night (529)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.

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(201): HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down. http://tfl.nu/e84o

Replies (3) Good night (475) Bad night (217)
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(334): View more from Alabama

ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it

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(334): ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it http://tfl.nu/s3kf

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