I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
