Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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