Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence