There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
A+ Viking dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.