she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
