I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize