Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever