i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..