i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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