Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
