I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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