i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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