spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
