So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
