i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
