Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
