i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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