kristin has been a bad kristin
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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