i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
