Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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