That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
