When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
