It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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