I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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