I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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