In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
