Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
