Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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