Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
