another moral hangover. fuck.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
