batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
