You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
