You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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