I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize