I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
