We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
